Reflection=unlearning

The parts of me that I hide

Are the parts that need to be seen

The dark and dirty pieces need love

the parts smiles try to wipe clean

need to send love to these spaces

soften into vulnerability

as I shift through the tears

bringing to the surface what was unseen

the warmth and support that awaits

A reminder to breathe and pause queen

Parts – Inga Seals

I wrote this after a really hard day. I said something I should not have to someone I love deeply.

Something that felt like it could destroy our union.

In that realization and pain, I felt deep and instant regret.

And in reflection, I went deeper to learn from the pain.

I took some time to go over my thinking pattern.

This behavior was out of character for me, I am not usually insecure.

It led me back to the Four Agreements and why they are so important.

In case you are unfamiliar, the Four Agreements is a book that offers a code of conduct (based on ancient Toltec wisdom) that advocates freedom from self-limiting beliefs that may cause suffering and limitation in a person's life.

More specifically the code states that we should embrace the following:

-          Be impeccable with your word.

-          Don’t take anything personally.

-          Don’t make assumptions.

-          Always do your best

I truly do my best to embrace this way of living. It is incredibly challenging.

When I got upset & sitting in the unknown, I began to make assumptions and create stories about what could be happening. These stories became partially true in my state of depression and discomfort.

This, in turn, caused me to lash out when I did not have all of the information.

And while every situation does not end up this extreme, it made me realize I was creating a new story around past experiences.

Like building a new house with old pieces of my past.

I am working to unlearn my old patterns and break the chains of the past.

It is hard when sometimes the present looks similar, but honestly this is a part of healing.

No one talks about what it is like to be in a healthy relationship after many traumatic experiences.

It is sometimes harder because we look for something to be wrong.

Like waiting for the ball to drop – preparing for the pain.

I feel like this is a form of protection in a way that prevents us from having to take the risk of being hurt.

Ways to combat this:

-          3 deep breaths in every situation so I am thinking more clearly

Our breath is a powerful (and underrated) tool linked to our nervous system. Deep breaths can help to come to our senses and home to ourselves.

-          Hugging myself as a reminder that I am safe and present in this moment

Hugs are a love language to me. When I hug myself, I hold myself up. I remind myself that all is well and it brings me out of my head.

-          Saying the story I am creating out loud so the other party is aware

Using my voice in crisis is so helpful. It allows the other party to offer reassurance and comfort. Awareness is brought into the connection so false narratives can  dissolve.

All of this takes so much bravery. Risk. Vulnerability.

The love we receive from the right ones is worth the work.

We are worth the work.